Say this phase when you find out you're not in the group chat

Finding out everyone else is in a group chat except you can feel like a direct hit to your stomach. Your first instinct may even be to ask them, “Why wasn’t I added?” The problem though with that is that you puts you in a chasing position, where others can make you come off as needy or desperate. This is my favorite phrase to use when this happens:

“I just realized I'm not in that chat. I wasn’t expecting that.”

Then stop and say nothing else. There’s absolutely no reason why you have to carry any of the awkwardness or tension. Let them have some and saying this lets that happen. You’re not explaining or defining yourself and you’re definitely not asking to be added. And after you’ve said this, you’ll get all the information you need. Do they apologize, overexplain, get defensive?

Instead of asking yourself: “How do I get them to include me?” tell yourself: “What does their response tell me about this relationship?”

Your final takeaway:

Your goal isn’t to get invited to the chat, it’s to get information about the health of your relationship with this person without comprimising your self respect. What they do next will tell you far more than the exclusion from the group chat itself.

Going through something? Head to Dear Dr. C and ask away, I'll get back to you with tailored scripts and tips.

xo,

Dr. C