Someone's spreading rumors about you. Here's what to do while the truth catches up.

Who likes being gossiped about? I can’t say that anyone does! And it’s even worse when someone is spreading rumors about you that just aren’t true to change how other’s see you.

By the time most people find me, things have already gotten worse but I want today’s post to bring hope your way. I want to help you avoid making things worse or this be a way forward to help you turn things around if they already are. Here are 4 things to do and what not to do while you wait for the truth to come out.

2 things NOT to do:

-Please stop talking about what happened with just anyone in your group. Before venting to someone in the same circle, ask yourself: “Has this person shown me they can keep something private?” You’d be surprised how many people come to me because they told a friend, coworker, sibling something that then went and shared that information with someone else. This usually always has its way of backfiring!

-Stop posting pointed quotes on your social media. Ask yourself, what’s the point of this? If you really want a friend to understand something, would a direct conversation help more? Unfortunately, all vague, indirect posts do is invite questions from people who weren’t involved. Again, making the rumors and story bigger than it needs to be. The waiting game is hard but you can’t be adding more fuel to the fire, and that’s another way you’re doing it.

2 things to do instead:

-Make sure to be consistent in how you’re showing up! Doing this gives people their own experiences of you to draw from. One way to help you do this is to ask yourself, “What would I be doing here if I weren’t trying to clear my name?” Is that saying hello? Asking someone about their weekend? Enjoying your lunch? What is it? And let that be your guide to how to be showing up.

-If someone does bring the rumor to you directly, ask yourself this before being pulled into a conversation:

“Is there something specific I need to address or is this another update that will leave me upset with nothing to do?

Based on that response you can then try a script like:

“Is there something specific I need to address, if so, then yes, tell me. Otherwise, I'd rather not hear.”

These four are your starting point but I know that every situation is always going to be different. Should you confront the person spreading it? What if it’s happening at work or at your child’s school, where you have to see these people everyday. And what if you’ve already reacted in a way that’s accidentally made things worse?

If you need more help with your specific situation, please head to Dear Dr. C and ask away or if you prefer a private 1:1, head to book a session with me and members get 10% off with code: Member.

xo,
Dr. C