6 simple ways to make someone feel they belong
Most people don’t really remember what was served at a party but they do remember how they felt. If you’ve ever been the new person, the quiet person, or the one wondering whether you belonged, you know how painful it can be to be on the outside looking in, just like you know how powerful one small act of inclusion can be. Most of us have the power to change that experience for someone else (you have a lot more influence than you realize). You don’t need to be the host or know everyone in the room either. All it takes is just one small gesture to make someone remember an event for all the right reasons. Here are 6 tiny things you can do make someone feel like they truly belong:
Open your circle. One of the easiest ways people accidentally exclude others is by standing in a closed circle. If you notice someone walk by, shift your body and open the circle and make physical space for them to be able to join the conversation.
Pay attention to who’s standing alone. There’s always someone who doesn’t know where they quite fit. Why don’t you walk over and tell them, “come meet a few people.”
Invite people in directly. Many invitations sound optional, “you can come if you want.” While well intentioned, it can leave someone (especially someone who has experienced many rejections in the past) if they’re actually welcomed or not. Instead try: “come sit with us,” “we’d love to have you,” “join us.”
Introduce people that have common backgrounds or interests. So don’t just share names, create an instant conversation starter. Instead of: “This is Sarah, you’ll love her.” Try: “Sarah just moved here from NYC and has 2 boys just like you.”
Stay with them for a few minutes. One mistake people usually make is introducing someone and then immediately walking away. Instead do the introduction and stay for a few minutes, so they can gain momentum and then walk away.
Notice when someone quietly slips away. Not everyone who feels left out looks lonely. Sometimes they’ve just stepped away, are on their phone, head inside, or are keeping busy by themselves. If you notice it, check in and include them. “Hey, I realized we haven’t spoken much tonight, how have you been?” or “come grab a drink with us.”
Your Final Takeaway:
You’d be surprised how one small tiny change in your behavior can make someone’s whole night. Inclusion isn’t about being invited, it’s about helping one person feel like they belong. And these 6 things can help them feel that they do.
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xo,
Dr. C