4 Tactics Mean Girl Moms Use to Make Sure You Don’t Feel Welcome When School Starts
The start of the school year should feel like a fresh beginning for you and your kids. But for many moms, it quickly becomes a crash course in adult relational aggression. The same exclusionary tactics we once saw in middle school show up again at the school gates, in class group chats, and even on the playground.
Here are four of the most common ways “mean girl moms” try to make sure you don’t feel welcome and how you can handle each without shrinking back.
1. They Pretend Not to See You
You walk by at drop-off, and instead of a simple hello, they look straight past you. It’s a subtle way of signaling, you’re not one of us.
Why it hurts: Being ignored makes you feel invisible, and invisibility is one of the oldest forms of social exclusion.
Take back your power: Don’t let them dictate whether you exist or not. A simple, confident greeting shows you see yourself as worth acknowledging even if they don’t.
Script:
“Good morning.” (said warmly, then move on, no pause for approval).
2. The Fake Smile That Says Everything
On the rare occasion they do acknowledge you, it comes with a half-hearted smile, the kind that never reaches their eyes.
Why it hurts: Fake warmth makes you second-guess yourself.
Take back your power: Instead of pretending you didn’t notice, calmly call it out in a way that makes them doubt their performance.
Script:
“Are you okay?”
If they say yes: “Good, I’m glad you are!” (short, neutral, puts the tension back where it belongs, on them).
3. They Gossip Until It Spills Into the Kids
They’ve badmouthed you so much in front of their children that your child suddenly isn’t included. The exclusion spreads.
Why it hurts: It’s not just you, it’s your child who feels the sting, and that can feel impossible to tolerate.
Take back your power: You can’t control what’s said in someone else’s home, but you can build safe connections for your child elsewhere.
Scripts:
To your child: “You don’t have to be friends with everyone, but you do deserve friends who treat you well.”
To another safe parent: “Our kids get along so well, want to plan a playdate after school this week?”
4. Inside Jokes in the Class Group Chat
In the new class chat, they drop jokes from last year, references only “insiders” would get. It’s less about humor, more about power.
Why it hurts: It’s meant to remind you that you’re not part of the inner circle.
Take back your power: Use the group chat for what it’s intended, class updates only. Don’t chase belonging there. If you want real connection, reach out to someone individually.
Tips:
In the chat: Keep it to “Thanks!” or “Got it.”
For connection: Send a private message like, “Drop-off is always so rushed, want to chat more after pickup one day?”
Your Final Takeaway:
Mean girl moms thrive on silence, withdrawal, and self-doubt. But when you name the behavior, stay calm, and redirect your energy toward people who reciprocate, you take back your power and you model the same resilience for your kids.
Need more help? Head to your member’s only library of guides and download your Grown Mean Girl Guide, Mean Girls in School Guide, or School Bullying Plan to help you take back your power. If you’re looking for more tailored support, head to The Lounge and ask or vent away, I’ll get back to you with tailored suggestions or head to the book a session tab above and book a 1:1 with me.
Xo,
Dr. C