4 Phrases “Girls’ Girls” Use to Hide They’re Really Mean Girls (And How to Recognize the Signs Before You Get Hurt)
Some women love to talk about loyalty, support, and being “all about the girls.” But actions always reveal more than slogans. Here are four common phrases that seem supportive but often hide subtle exclusion, competition, and relational aggression underneath:
1. “I’m just a girls’ girl.”
What it sounds like: A claim of loyalty, solidarity, and support for other women. Yet, she acts jealous when another woman gets attention.
Situation: She downplays your win, redirects attention, or acts cold when you’re praised.
What to actually watch for:
Does she celebrate another woman’s success?
Or downplay it?
Change the subject?
One-up her or redirect the spotlight back to herself?
Real girls’ girls don’t need the room to shrink for them to feel secure inside it. They clap when another woman wins they don’t flinch, minimize, or shift the attention.
When you see it happening to you:
Say: “I was really excited to share that with you. I noticed you seemed a little distant when I mentioned it, is everything okay?”
OR…
“I noticed the energy shifted after I shared my news, is everything okay?”
2. “I’m all about women supporting women.”
What it sounds like: A supportive statement about lifting others up.
Situation: She says the phrase often but disappears, changes the subject, or subtly competes when you succeed.
What to actually watch for:
Does her support disappear when the spotlight is on you?
Does she go quiet, competitive, or change the subject when you succeed?
Real support doesn’t evaporate when someone else shines. Because here’s the truth: A lion doesn’t need to tell you it’s a lion. Real support is shown, not announced.
When you see it happening to you:
Say: “I focus more on what’s shown than what’s said.”
Or: “Supporting women really shows up most when it’s someone else’s moment.”
3. “No new friends” on social media posts.
What it sounds like: A fun loyalty phrase, at first. But often, it’s used to subtly control the group dynamics and exclude new people.
Situation: You see her using “no new friends” to subtly gate keep who’s included socially.
What to actually watch for:
Is it being used to control who’s included?
Is it an excuse for cliques, exclusion, or shutting down new connections?
Real loyalty doesn’t fear welcoming new people.
When you see it happening to you:
Say: "It’s about real ones." (If you’re their friend)
If you’re not close to them, take it as information, not an invitation to engage. Their post simply shares data about their values.
4. “I just don’t do drama.”
What it sounds like: A claim to stay above gossip and conflict. Yet is stirring the pot behind the scenes.
Situation: She claims to hate drama but is often the hidden source of it.
What to actually watch for:
Is she stirring side conversations?
Quietly creating tension but never directly confronting issues?
Keeping her hands clean while letting others do the dirty work?
Real non-dramatic people don’t just avoid drama, they don’t delegate it either.
When you see it happening to you:
Say: “Have you spoken to them about this?” (If they’re stirring the pot in front of you).
Or: “Keeping communication direct and clear can help with that." (If they say that in front of you but you know she has had side conversations have happened about you).
Your takeaway: Real support shines bigger, it doesn’t shrink when others succeed. Pay attention to what they do, not what they say. True friendship shows up in who celebrates you, not who competes when you win.
Need more help navigating mean girl dynamics or friendships? Download my new Mean Girl Guide that’s available under Download’s, head to the community forum and ask a question, or book a 1:1 with me by heading to the book a session tab above.
Xo,
Dr. C