Speak Up Instead of Staying Silent: Holiday Edition
Holidays bring out the best in some people and the blurriest boundaries in others. Old family dynamics resurface. Comments get bolder. People get comfortable. And before you know it, you’re either freezing, shrinking, or resenting the entire day. If you’ve ever left a holiday gathering thinking, “I wish I said something,”you’re not alone and you’re not overreacting. In families, subtle digs, comparisons, triangulation, and backhanded comments often get dismissed as “it’s just how they are,” which makes it even harder to speak up without sounding dramatic. Today’s scripts will help protect your peace without blowing up the day, losing your composure, or getting pulled into old patterns. Why because you get to show up differently now and that means getting to enjoy the holiday too.
1. When They Say You’re “Overthinking”
Your goal: keep the conversation open, not shut it down.
Say:
“I’d rather focus on what happened, not my reaction to it.”
“Calling it overthinking ends the conversation, I’m trying to understand what happened.”
“Let’s stay with the facts for a second.”
These work because they neutralize the gaslighting without escalating.
2. When They Criticize What You Cooked or Brought
Your goal: signal self-respect without defensiveness.
Say:
“Were you curious about an ingredient or critiquing?”
“What made you think it was ruined?”
“Sounds like you’d make it differently.”
These work because it puts the spotlight back on their comment instead of your worth.
3. When They Insert Themselves Into Your Marriage/Parenting
Your goal: close the door kindly but firmly.
Say:
“We handle that privately as a couple, but I appreciate you caring.”
“Thank you, we’ve already decided how we’re handling it.”
“That’s something we keep between us.”
4. When They Push Drama or Triangulation
Your goal: refuse the invitation.
Say:
“Let’s not get into that today.”
“I’m not taking sides.”
“I want to keep things easy today.”
These work because it shuts down bait without sounding combative.
5. When They Try to Embarrass You in Front of Others
Your goal: regain power with neutrality.
Say:
“I’m not sure what you meant by that.”
“Is that a joke or something you wanted to talk about?”
“Help me understand what you were trying to say.”
It works because it forces them to clarify, bullies hate that.
6. When They Exclude You But Do It Publicly
Your goal: protect your dignity and skip the performance.
Say:
“I wasn’t/ I'm not part of that, if you’ll excuse me.”
(If they invite you through someone as a pity invite) “I prefer hearing things directly.”
These work because you stay composed and you don’t play small.
7. When They Say Something Backhanded
Your goal: make them own their words.
Say:
“Was that meant to be helpful?”
“Is that your way of complimenting me?”
“What did you mean by that?”
These work because they’re a soft call-out which means immediate accountability.
8. When They Minimize Your Feelings
Your goal: stay calm and keep authority.
Say:
“I hear you, my experience was still different.”
“We can see it differently and still talk about it.”
“My perspective is valid even if it’s not yours.”
It works because it affirms you without creating a fight.
9. When Alcohol Makes Things Worse
Your goal: remove yourself early with grace, not guilt.
Say:
“I’m stepping away for a bit.”
“I’m going to reset, I’ll be back in a few.”
“I have to head out, thanks for having me/I’ll see you.”
These work because they protect your nervous system from chaos.
10. When You Freeze or Go Silent
Your goal: have a line ready so you don’t shut down.
Say:
“Can we talk about that?”
“I’m speaking up because I want things to go well today.”
“Here’s what I need instead…”
“That doesn’t work for me.”
These work because they replace silence with self-respect.
And you can try these Grounding Mindset Shift Lines anytime your heart is racing:
“I decide where I belong, not them.”
“I don’t abandon myself to keep people comfortable.”
“A calm boundary is safer than silent resentment.”
Have a specific question? Head to The Lounge and ask away, I'll get back to you with tailored tips and phrases and others can chime in to offer support.
xo,
Dr. C