How to Handle Mean Girl Behavior Inside Your Own Family This Holiday Season
If you dread the holidays because you know exactly which family member is going to comment, compare, exclude, guilt-trip, or “just joke”… you’re not alone. Women freeze around mean girl family members for a reason: Old roles, old wounds, and old relationship patterns get activated. What worked when you were 12 (shrinking, being agreeable, being “easy”) doesn’t work anymore. Today’s post is about rewiring those old patterns so you can finally show up differently this Thanksgiving.
Why Family Mean Girls Trigger You More Than Anyone Else
Family mean girl behavior hits differently because:
Your brain shifts into survival mode
You revert to old child roles
You lose access to clear language and boundaries
You overthink, people-please, or take the bait
You walk on eggshells to keep the peace
It’s not weakness. It’s physiology + psychology. And the goal today is to get your brain back into the part that handles: logic, language, assertiveness, boundaries, and emotional regulation. When that part of your brain is online, your responses come out calm, steady, confident and you don’t spiral later.
Mindset Shifts to Anchor You Before Thanksgiving or The Holidays
Mindset Shift #1: “I decide where I belong, not them.”
This one pulls you out of your child role, the part of you that used to chase approval, connection, or permission to be included. As an adult, you don’t need their acceptance to justify your presence. You’re already at the table. When you internalize this, you naturally stop:
overexplaining
proving yourself
over-functioning
taking the bait just to keep things smooth
chasing closeness with someone who’s inconsistent
You show up as the grounded adult, not the child version of you they’re used to.
Mindset Shift #2: “My peace is priceless, and I protect it early, not after the damage.”
This lets you walk in with emotional boundaries already in place. It prevents:
being caught off guard
scrambling for a comeback
people-pleasing to avoid tension
letting someone else’s mood set the tone
You are walking in prepared. They’re walking in expecting you to be reactive. You’ll surprise them.
A Tool to Stop Taking the Bait: The 5-Second Reset
The 5-second reset keeps you from reacting from:
fight
flight
freeze
fawn
Especially fawning:
That instinct to appease, smooth over, or keep the peace, not because you want to, but because your body thinks compliance = safety. A 5-second pause interrupts the old survival pattern and brings your logical brain back online. It’s your best tool to respond instead of react.
Your Goal This Holiday Season
You’re not trying to change your family. You’re learning how to:
show up grounded
stay connected without shrinking
protect your peace without drama
respond without reacting
stay in your adult self
You deserve to walk into this holiday season calm, confident, and fully in your power.
Have a specific question? Head to The Lounge and ask away, you' stay anonymous and I’ll get back to you with tailored responses and tips and others can chime in to offer support.
xo,
Dr. C