6 Mean Girl Family Scenarios You’ll Probably Face This Holiday And What to Say Instead of Freezing
Holidays bring out the best in some people and the most predictable mean girl behavior in others. If your family includes:
backhanded commenters
unsolicited advice-givers
triangulators
favoritism
exclusion
guilt trips
chaos creators
Today’s post gives you the exact scripts to use. Let’s dive in:
SCENARIO 1: Backhanded Comments & Critiques
Examples:
“Is this from a box?”
“You look tired.”
“You’re overthinking it.”
“Why would you ruin the recipe with that ingredient?”
Some responses to try:
“Sounds like you’d make it differently.”
“Were you curious about that ingredient or critiquing?”
“I’d rather focus on what happened, not my reaction to it.”
“That felt more like a critique than a comment.”
These don’t escalate but they do stop the behavior immediately.
SCENARIO 2: When They Insert Themselves Into Your Marriage or Parenting
Examples:
“You need to tell your husband to…”
“Why don’t you…”
“I don’t like how you two do ___.”
Scripts to try:
“We handle that as a couple, but I appreciate you caring.”
“I’ll consider if it fits our family.”
“We’re doing what works for our home.”
“That’s something we keep between us.”
Say it once then shift the topic.
SCENARIO 3: Exclusion, Triangulation, Sibling Rivalry, Favoritism
Examples:
Girls’ outings without you
Coordinated outfits or photos
MIL favoring other siblings’ kids
Group chats you’re left out of
SIL befriending anyone you connect with
Scripts to try:
“I’d love for you to ask about me too.”
“I’d love for them to spend time with you too, that’s important to me.”
“I’ll let you all chat about that, I’m not part of those plans.”
(Then politely excuse yourself)
These shift the dynamic without fueling drama.
SCENARIO 4: Guilt Trips, Emotional Manipulation, Fake Concern
Examples:
“We barely see you.”
“Everyone else made time.”
“Family should…”
“You’re too sensitive.”
Scripts to try:
“I’m choosing what works for our family this year.”
“I hear you want more time. Here’s what I can do.”
“That felt more like pressure than concern.”
“Too sensitive for who?”
SCENARIO 5: Drunk, Chaotic, or Drama-Seeking Behavior
Mindset to practice: “Predictable chaos is still predictable, plan for it before it happens.”
Tools:
Buddy system
Micro-breaks
Don’t share private info they haven’t earned access to
Avoid 1:1 with the most volatile person
Keep tone slow + calm
Scripts to try:
“Let’s keep things light today.”
“I’m stepping outside for a minute.”
“I want to enjoy tonight, let’s pause the heavy stuff.”
SCENARIO 6: When You Need to Exit Gracefully
Exit lines keep your dignity while signaling a boundary.
“If you’ll excuse me, I promised I’d say hi to someone.”
“I’m going to grab a drink.”
“I’m going to check on the kids.”
You stay in control of your energy and your presence.
Your Final Takeaway:
Your goal isn’t to change them, it’s to stop shrinking around them. And with the right mindset shifts + scripts, you can stay connected, respectful, and still protect your peace.
Have a specific question? Head to the The Lounge and ask away, you’ll stay anonymous and I’ll get back to you with tailored responses and tips and others can chime in with support.
xo,
Dr. C