3 Assertive responses when someone says, "Must be nice"

It’s only 3 words but depending on how they are said, they can leave you feeling as though you need to overexplain why you deserve what you have or justify yourself , minimize something good that just happened, or defend your life.

Maybe it came up because you have an upcoming vacation or you were able to just take the morning off. Regardless of the way it came up, you do not have to turn someone else’s discomfort into your own guilt. But know that not every, “Must be nice” is an insult, some people really do just say it casually or are expressing genuine longing for whatever you were talking about. But yes, some really are making a backhanded or passive aggressive comment, hoping you will rush to make yourself smaller.

When we are working to be more assertive in our day to day, assuming the worst or delivering the best comeback isn’t the goal. It’s responding in a way that protects your own dignity and self respect but without becoming defensive, apologetic, or unnecessarily combative. And of course where you aren’t being aggressive.

So here are some helpful responses to try:

-It really is. Thanks!

-Thanks, I'm very grateful.

-Yes! We’re really looking forward to it.

None of these are accepting an invitation to feel ashamed for whatever it is that happened or are enjoying. You’re not bragging, defending, or counterattacking either, you’re just calmly replying and allowing something good to be good. Your job is not to read the room and to decipher the hidden meaning, take the words literally and refuse to absorb the sting underneath them. That’s the most powerful response you can do!

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xo,

Dr. C