How to Act Around Someone You’re Not Friends With Anymore without Being Fake
That awkward moment when you run into someone you were once close with but something shifted, and now you’re not really friends anymore? It can bring up a surprising amount of emotional noise:
Do I act normal?
Do I ignore them?
What if I seem fake?
What if I overcompensate and regret it later?
Whether the friendship faded slowly or ended without closure, seeing them again can feel like a mini social landmine, especially if it wasn’t your choice. But here’s the truth, you don’t have to be cold, you don’t have to be fake, you just need to stop over-functioning.
1. Create a “neutral version” of them in your head.
She doesn’t have to be the trusted friend you once confided in, but she also doesn’t have to become a villain. Visualize her as a background character, not a lead role in your story anymore. She’s just someone you used to be close to who now moves differently. Mentally downgrade her from “friend” to “acquaintance in your orbit.” That small shift reduces the emotional charge and helps stop the spiral.
2. Use anchoring phrases before and after interactions.
The spiral often starts in your own head. You can break the loop with a grounding phrase to tell yourself like: “Friendships change. I can be warm without being fake. How she shows up doesn’t determine my value.”
And the more you repeat that silently, the more automatic it’ll become. Eventually, your body stops reacting like it’s a social emergency.
3. Name the spiral so it doesn’t run the show.
What are you really worried about? Name it, because once you do, you take the power back. So ask yourself:
Did I do something wrong?
Why didn’t she choose me?
Was the friendship ever real?
That’s what awareness gives you, your power back.
4. How to act when you see her (without over-giving)
You don’t need to rehearse a speech or avoid her entirely. Try this:
Make brief eye contact and offer a small smile.
Say: “Hey!” or “Good to see you.”
(No follow-up questions. No lingering.)If you get pulled into small talk, exit kindly:
“Hope you’re well, I’ve got to jump into something, but I’ll see you later!”
You’re not being fake, you’re being grounded and intentional. This isn’t about avoiding discomfort, it’s about protecting yourself. And yes, if it feels like a breakup, emotionally, it was. You cared, you connected, and now, there’s a disconnect. But the next time you see her, remember, you’re not obligated to perform friendship. You’re allowed to interact with warmth and still protect your peace.
Have a specific question? Head to the community forum and ask away, I’ll then share tailored support!
Xo,
Dr. C