How to Tell a Friend to Stop Bringing Sick Kids to Playdates (Without Creating Drama)
-“Hey, the girls have gotten sick a few times after recent playdates, so for now, we’re keeping playdates on healthy days only. I totally get that kids catch things, but just trying to minimize how often we pass things around. Hope that’s okay!”
-“Hey! Before tomorrow, just wanted to check in that everyone’s feeling good. We’ve had a few rounds of sickness lately and are trying to be extra cautious these days.”
-“I didn’t realize the girls were sick. How are they feeling? Next time, let’s do a raincheck until (their name) is feeling better.”
-“Hey, just a reminder, let’s hold off on playdates if anyone’s still having active symptoms.”
For a more in-depth explanation on when to use which, continue reading below! It’s one of the most awkward parenting situations, your friend keeps bringing her sick kids to playdates. You don’t want to be the “difficult” one, but your kids keep getting sick after every visit. What do you say without making things uncomfortable?
First, know this is such a common and tricky situation. Most parents are trying to be easygoing or fear damaging the friendship, but end up feeling resentful or stressed when their boundaries aren’t respected.
Why It Feels So Tricky
You worry about seeming judgmental or high-maintenance.
You assume they’ll “pick up on” your frustration.
You fear conflict or making things awkward in the group.
But setting a boundary isn’t accusing someone of wrongdoing. It’s clearly communicating your family’s needs and most misunderstandings happen because we don’t state those needs upfront.
What to Say Before the Next Playdate
It’s always best to get ahead of the issue if possible. Here are two ways to frame it:
Option 1 (gentle but clear):
“Hey, the girls have gotten sick a few times after recent playdates, so for now, we’re keeping playdates on healthy days only. I totally get that kids catch things, but just trying to minimize how often we pass things around. Hope that’s okay!”
Option 2 (extra cautious approach):
“Hey! Before tomorrow, just wanted to check in that everyone’s feeling good. We’ve had a few rounds of sickness lately and are trying to be extra cautious these days.”
What to Say If She Shows Up and Downplays Symptoms
If she shows up and tries to minimize the symptoms and you didn’t have a chance to set a boundary ahead of time, you can calmly say:
“I didn’t realize the girls were sick. How are they feeling? Next time, let’s do a raincheck until (their name) is feeling better.”
As long as symptoms are mild, just use the moment to reinforce the boundary for next time. Only unless they’re visibly sick and contagious, avoid sending them home mid-playdate unless absolutely necessary to prevent conflict or embarrassment.
If You’ve Already Set the Boundary and She Repeats the Behavior
If you’ve addressed it and she keeps ignoring the boundary, you can try:
“Hey, just a reminder, let’s hold off on playdates if anyone’s still having active symptoms.”
If it continues beyond that, it may be time to reassess the friendship or move toward group playdates where you can manage the dynamic with less direct confrontation.
Key Takeaways
State the boundary early: Before the playdate, whenever possible.
Use neutral language: Frame it around your family’s needs, not her actions.
Repeat calmly: Boundaries often need reinforcing.
Escalate only when necessary: Address repeated disregard, but avoid high-conflict reactions unless health risks are severe.
Have a specific question? Head to the community forum and ask away!
Xo,
Dr. C