Your Child Isn't Invited to a Birthday Party. Here's What To Do.
It’s one of those moments that hits harder than expected: your child finds out they weren’t invited to a birthday party. You watch their face drop. The confusion, the hurt, the questions. And now, you’re sitting there wondering what to say that won’t make it worse.
Take a deep breath. You’re not alone. This post will walk you through exactly how to respond in a way that supports your child and teaches them resilience without glossing over what they’re feeling.
First: Your Reaction Sets the Tone
Before you say anything, take a moment. Your child is watching your face to decide how big this moment is.
Say: “Let’s take a deep breath together before we talk about this.”
Then Ask These 3 Questions:
These help you stay calm and help your child feel safe to open up without being flooded:
“How are you feeling about it?”
“What part of this is bothering you the most?”
“Would it help to talk more about it or plan something fun for that day instead?”
This shows them you’re not rushing to fix it, you’re making space for it. And that matters.
What Not to Say:
It’s tempting to minimize it, especially when it feels out of your control. But phrases like:
“It’s not a big deal”
“Maybe next time”
“You probably wouldn’t have had fun anyway”
These backfire. They teach kids to doubt what they’re noticing and that discomfort should be ignored or rushed past.
Instead, Validate Them:
“Yeah, that would’ve been hard for anyone.”
“What you noticed is real and I get why that would feel (insert emotion they named, confusing/hurtful).”
You’re not solving it, you’re normalizing their experience. That’s what builds emotional safety.
Then, Give Them Their Power Back
Once they feel seen, help them shift from powerless to empowered.
Say: “You get to decide how we handle this. We can talk more, come up with something strong to say if it comes up at school, or we can plan something fun for that day instead.”
This gives them agency without pressure.
Should You Ever Reach Out to the Parent?
Only if:
It’s a close friend or It’s a pattern (e.g., everyone was invited in the class except for your child)
Say: “Hey, just wanted to check in because [your child’s name] noticed he/she wasn’t invited to [party] and felt confused. Just wanted to understand what happened.”
But if your kids don’t usually play together and not everyone in the class was invited? Let it go. No need to stir tension over a one-off situation that isn’t personal.
If a Parent Expects an Invite But Didn’t Invite Your Child
This one’s common and awkward. But you’re allowed to hold the boundary.
Say: “We’re teaching [your child’s name] to focus on balanced friendships. He invited the kids he’s been closest with lately.”
This keeps it calm, confident, and anchored in values, not blame.
Your Final Takeaway?
This moment is less about the party and more about what your child is learning:
That their feelings matter
That they don’t need to chase inclusion to feel worthy
That they can trust their gut and talk to you about it
You’re teaching emotional intelligence, boundaries, and resilience all in one conversation.
Need more help or have a specific question? Head to the community forum and ask your question away, it’s anonymous too.
xo,
Dr. C