How to be more likable, without being fake & you can stop feeling lonely.

Let’s get honest. 

Most people don’t feel confident walking into a room. They worry they’re coming on too strong or fading into the background completely. They replay conversations wondering, “Did I sound weird?” or “Why didn’t they include me?”

The truth? Likability has less to do with being loud or popular and more to do with knowing how to connect.

These aren’t personality traits. They’re learnable behaviors rooted in psychology and today I want to give you some quick shifts that make people feel drawn to you, without you feeling like you have to perform.

Say Hi First & Use Their Name Within 30 Seconds

People light up when they hear their name. It makes them feel important and noticed, two key triggers for trust and connection. It works because it activates our brain’s reward system. It’s a cue of familiarity and safety. Saying hi first also signals confidence and warmth before any assumptions kick in.

Try this: “Hey X! I saw you at the last event, it’s so nice to see you again.”

Assume They Already Like You

Most people are too busy worrying about how they come off to be judging you. When you act like you already belong, people are more likely to treat you like you do. This is called the liking gap, where we underestimate how much others enjoy our company. But people mirror your tone and energy. Walk in like you’re already welcome.

Mini-shift: Instead of thinking “I hope they like me,” shift to “We’re going to get along.”

Give a Compliment That Has Nothing to Do With Looks

Within 10 minutes of the conversation, give a compliment that hits deeper like:

 “Your energy is so calming.”

“You always ask the best questions.”

“You’re always so kind."

Compliments that focus on character build trust and emotional intimacy. It helps people feel seen beyond the surface and more open to connecting with you.

Reference One Thing They Said Last Time

Following up on a past comment (even something small) shows you listen and that you care.

“You mentioned your sister was visiting, how was that?”

“You were thinking of switching jobs, did you decide?”

This works because mutual attention and memory increase bonding. When you remember someone’s world, you move from “nice to talk to” to “someone I feel close to.”

You Don’t Need to Be the Loudest or Most Put Together you just needed the right tools that help you show up like someone people want to get to know. 

Need more help? Head to the community forum and ask a specific question. 

Xo,
Dr. C