5 non-appearance compliments to use that make you more likable

When someone says, You’re so pretty or I love your outfit, it might feel good for a second but it rarely builds lasting connection. That’s because appearance based compliments often stop at the surface. When someone truly feels seen for who they are, not just how they look, they’re more likely to trust you, open up, and feel safe around you. Here are 5 non-appearance compliments that actually foster warmth and connection with new people, even strangers.

You have great energy.

Why? This instantly makes someone feel like they’re enjoyed instead of just noticed. It’s a compliment on their presence, not their looks. It signals, I like being around you, which makes people lean in.

You ask really thoughtful questions.

Why? We all want to feel like we can carry good conversations. When you compliment how someone engages and not just what they say, it makes them feel appreciated on a deeper level. It also encourages more meaningful conversation.

You explain things in such a clear way or You have a great way with words.

Why? Whether they’re telling a story, giving directions, or just talking, pointing this out makes someone feel smart, articulate, and competent. These are compliments people remember.

You seem really grounded or You have a calming presence.

Why? This is one of the most emotionally validating compliments you can give. It goes beyond personality and reflects how people make others feel, which builds a sense of psychological safety in the relationship.

You’re really good at making people feel welcome.

Why? Whether it’s someone at a party, in a group chat, or just someone who includes you in a conversation, this kind of compliment speaks to their values. It says, I noticed how you show up for others and people rarely forget that.

Final takeaway:

The best compliments aren’t about flattery. They’re about connection. Try one of these next time you’re with someone new or someone you want to depend your bond with. It’s one of the simplest ways to go from small talk to building a bond, without saying anything about looks.

Have a specific question? Head to the community forum and leave your question.

Xo,

Dr. C