Bragging, One-Upping, or Sharing: How to handle & What to say.
Have you ever shared something you’re proud of and suddenly it feels like a competition you never signed up for or that your moment was hijacked?
You tell your friend:
“I just got a promotion!”
And they jump right in with: “I actually got promoted twice in the last two years. Did they also give you a raise?”
Your body tenses. The energy shifts. And now you’re wondering: Was that support or was that low-key competition?
Let’s break it down and then talk about how to spot the signs, protect your space, and respond without shrinking:
Bragging, One-Upping, or Sharing: The Difference at a Glance.
All of these three can sound similar but feel very different.
1. Sharing Good News (connection-focused)
This comes from a place of wanting to relate.
Acknowledges or validates your win.
Often includes curiosity or follow-up questions.
Example:
"Ahh, I remember how good that feels, congrats! What’s the new role like?"
2. Bragging (Self-Focused)
Centered on their status and achievement, not your experience.
No follow-up questions, no curiosity.
Often drops into the conversation uninvited or without linking back to you.
Example:
“I got promoted too and they gave me a company car!”
3. One-Upping (Power-Shifting)
Happens right after you share something meaningful, personal or exciting.
Quietly raises the “stakes.”
Leaves you feeling small, dismissed, or invisible.
Example:
“You’re just getting promoted now? I’ve been asked to lead two teams now.”
How to know what you’re dealing with:
Ask yourself:
-Did they acknowledge what I shared before jumping into their own story?
-Did I feel closer to them afterward or kind of invisible?
-Is this a pattern, or a one-off?
-Do I feel safe being excited around them?
Why People Do This?
-Low self-worth: Some people feel threatened by others’ wins.
-Learned comparison: They bond through competition because it’s all they’ve seen.
-Social Awkwardness: They want to connect, but don’t know how.
-Control: Some are used to centering themselves in every interaction.
None of these make you the problem. But knowing the why helps you respond in a way that protects your peace.
What to Say Scripts:
If you want to redirect gently (and Take Your Moment Back), Say:
“Oh wait, I want to go back to what I was saying. I was really excited to share it with you.”
Or:
“I’m excited about what I just shared, but I feel it was just brushed over since the conversation shifted so fast.”
If You Want to Reflect the Pattern Without Blame:
“I’ve noticed sometimes when I share something good news, the conversation shifts really fast. Have you ever noticed that? Or is it just me?”
If It’s Becoming a Pattern (and You Need Boundaries):
“Can I be honest? I’ve been feeling like when I share things, I end up walking away unsure if I should’ve said anything because our conversations shift really fast. Have you ever noticed that? I want to feel like there’s space for me.”
When You’re the One Who Might Be One-Upping (and Didn’t Mean To):
It happens. Here’s how to reconnect instead:
-“Wait, I didn’t mean to shift the focus, go back to what you were saying!”
-“That reminded me of something, but I want to hear more about your news first.”
Tool: Connection happens when we join, not redirect. If your intent is connection, make sure your timing matches that.
If this post hit a little close to home, head to the community forum and share a moment this happened to you, a time you realized you may have shifted the spotlight by mistake, or a script you’re planning on using next time. Let’s crowdsource some support and clarity because learning how to stay visible in conversations is a skill worth building together. You belong in the room!
Xo,
Christie
Dr. C