How mean girls try to lower your status in front of others and what to do about it
There are small moments in social settings that don’t look like much but they most certainly can shift how you’re seen in front of others. And they don’t just affect how you feel, they can also influence how and where others place you in the group and that’s why they matter. Here are some of these moments:
She say’s “Nice to meet you” even though you’ve already met more than a few times, it’s now a pattern.
You’ve been in the same rooms more times than you can count but in front of others, she treats it like it’s your first time meeting. And when she makes you seem unfamiliar, she is trying to make it seem that you are not important enough to be remembered.
What to say:
Before she says anything, start with: “Nice to see you again.”
The goal is to say it calmly and to assert yourself before she has the chance to say “nice to meet you.” Now if she still goes on to say, “nice meet you.” You can add on:
“We’ve met a few times at Sarah’s X and at Y (make it obvious and clear), we spoke about Z (again making it obvious). Nice to see you again.” Then redirect or excuse yourself.
Now if it becomes a pattern, stop correcting. A quick nod or hello is all you need, then redirect your attention elsewhere. Because at that point, continuing to engage in this back and forth, keeps you in the dynamic.
She brings up plans you weren’t invited to, then asks if you were there
She already knows the answer though but she asks anyways in front of others. She’s doing this because she is trying to highlight who was included and who wasn’t.
What to say:
“No. What else have you been up to?”
You’re not avoiding or dodging the question and you’re not reacting emotionally (which is what they wanted).
What to do:
Don’t ask questions about the plans or try to insert yourself into the conversation. Just shift the topic or your attention. And when you change the conversation topic, you’re taking the lead. You’re now signaling to them, I heard you and I'm not getting pulled into that.
You approach her to say hello and after you do, she turns away.
You initiate the hello, she does acknowledge you but then she physically closes herself off to end the conversation in front of others. And when she does that, it shows you’re not meant to stay in the interaction.
What to say:
Good to see you.
What to do:
Don’t linger or try again. Turn around and engage elsewhere. Staying in the moment after she’s closed it signals you’re trying to stay where you’re not being included. Your reminder that acknowledgement isn’t the same as inclusion.
She’s warm 1:1 but in a group, acts like she barely knows you.
Privately, she’s friendly but publicly, there’s distance. And it’s only with you too. This is signaling you’re not someone she includes or claims in that setting.
What to say:
“Hi, good to see you.”
If she disengages, you do the same. No pause, no waiting, just turn your body and redirect immediately.
What to do:
Don’t stand by her awkwardly, keep looking at her, or hover around waiting to be pulled in to the conversation or try to reenter the conversation. That’s what actually lowers your position, not her behavior because it’s showing that you’re waiting on her to call you in. Instead join another conversation because it shows that you can move easily within the group and that you don’t need her to place you.
Your Final Takeaway:
The part most people don’t realize is that these small things shape who gets included, who gets remembered, and who gets pulled in next time because they’re happening in front of other people. What helps is not trying to confront, not trying to prove anything. You just need to acknowledge briefly before they try to minimize your rank in front of others, stay composed, then redirect your attention and keep engaging elsewhere so their power games don’t affect how you’re seen.
If it happens once, respond.
If it keeps happening, stop engaging with them.
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xo,
Dr. C