What to do when someone doesn't like you & you still have to see them often
Few things sting more than realizing someone just doesn’t like you, especially when you’ve done nothing to deserve it. It’s even harder when that person is a family member, a coworker, or anyone you can’t easily avoid. The first thought that often comes up is: “How do I get them to like me?” But here’s the truth, you can’t control whether someone likes you. What you can control is how you show up, how you protect your energy, and how you set the tone for respectful coexistence. Here are some tips & scripts to help you and try:
1. Shift the goal
Instead of trying to make them like you, aim for something more realistic and empowering, respect, civility, and workable coexistence. You don’t need their approval to belong in the family, on the team, or in the room, respect is enough.
2. Practical tips for family and coworkers
Keep it cordial and consistent. Greet them, engage politely, and move on. Steady and neutral often disarms more than overcompensating.
Don’t overcompensate. Trying too hard to win them over usually backfires, confirming whatever story they’re telling themselves about you.
Set micro-boundaries. If they dismiss, minimize, or act cold, don’t chase, shorten the interaction or redirect.
Model respect. Keep conversations brief and on neutral ground (work tasks, family logistics) so they can’t claim drama where there isn’t any.
3. Scripts to Use
If their dislike shows up in coldness or passive digs, try:
“I get the sense something feels off between us. I’d rather clear the air than tiptoe around it.”
“I know we see things differently, but I’d like us to work well together.”
“I’m not asking for us to be close, just that we treat each other with respect.”
If it’s family:
“We may not always agree, but I want things to stay respectful for everyone’s sake.”
“I’d like us to keep it kind, even if we’re not best friends.”
4. How to stop taking it personally
When you’re around someone who clearly doesn’t like you, the spiral is real. Here’s how to ground yourself:
Catch the first thought: When you think, “What did I do wrong?” reframe it to, “This tells me more about them than me.”
Anchor in your body: Take a slow breath, press your feet into the ground, get outside/leave the room & change the scenery, focus on your 5 senses (what did you hear, see, taste, feel, touch) to help shift your attention away from racing thoughts.
Reality check: Ask yourself, “Would I give this much weight if it was a stranger?”
Tell yourself: “Respect is enough. Their approval isn’t required” or “We don’t need to be best friends.”
Reflection exercises to try:
Where in your life are you facing someone’s dislike you can’t avoid?
Have you been chasing approval, or focusing on respect?
Which script above would help you create more ease in that relationship?
Your takeaway:
You can’t force someone to like you but you can decide how much space their opinion takes up in your head. With steady boundaries and self-respect, you take the power out of their coldness and keep your own peace intact. Remember, their approval isn’t required for you to belong here.
xo,
Dr. C