4 Tactics Mean Girl Moms Use When It’s Time for Back to School
Back-to-school season should be about new beginnings for your kids, not subtle social competitions for the parents. Yet every August or September, some moms slip into mean girl mode without even realizing (or caring) how their comments land. It’s not about curiosity or genuine connection, it’s about status checks, subtle one-ups, and making sure you know where you rank in their unspoken hierarchy.
The good news? You can spot these moves and shut them down without losing your cool or looking defensive. Here are the 4 common tactics mean girl moms use after summer break and exactly how to handle them.
1. The “So, Where Did You Go?” Summer Interrogation
They ask where you went, where you stayed, for how long, and follow up with “Did you travel anywhere fun?” It sounds like conversation, but it’s really a competition to see who “won” summer.
Why They Do It:
This is a status check. They’re comparing trips, expenses, and experiences to subtly establish whose family had the “better” summer.
Tip: Don’t play their comparison game. Keep your answer short, positive, and pivot the conversation.
Scripts You Can Use:
“We had a great mix of rest and family time, exactly what we needed” (then change the subject).
“We spent some time in X. Did you have a nice summer?” Key is to give a short, friendly answer, avoid over explaining, and to immediately shift the focus back to them before they status-check. And if they then one-up you, you can reply with: “Sounds like we both had a great summer!”
2. The ‘Only Local’ Put-Down
You share your summer, and they reply: “That’s so nice… did you only stay local?” Translation: Not exactly a wow summer.
Why They Do It:
This is an undercut compliment. They acknowledge your answer but sneak in a word (“only”) that minimizes your experience.
Tip: Call out the minimizing, gently but don’t let them put you on the defensive.
Script You Can Use:
“Yes, it was really nice!”
3. The “We Were All Together” Exclusion Reminder
They gush about how great it was keeping in touch with most of the kids in the class, vacations, playdates, essentially spelling out that you and your child weren’t included.
Why They Do It:
It’s a social positioning move. They’re signaling who’s “in” and who’s not, without saying it outright.
Tip: Don’t take the bait to show hurt or scramble for inclusion. Keep your dignity by staying neutral and steering the topic.
Script You Can Use:
“That’s so nice” then redirect the conversation. Here you’re just acknowledging what they said and are then pivoting to a more neutral conversation.
4. The Group Chat Energy Shift When Class Lists Drop
When class lists drop, a mom asks “Who’s in the new class?” In the old class chat. Everyone’s celebrating until you share your child’s name. The energy shifts and no one responds.
Whey They Do It:
It’s a subtle exclusion tactic meant to signal who’s “in” and who’s not, without directly saying it. The silence is the message, and it often pressures others in the chat to follow the tone.
Tip: Don’t try to fill the silence or get the energy back in the chat. Take it as your cue to focus on connecting with parents in your child’s new class. Sometimes, starting fresh is the healthiest move.
Script You Can Use:
In person say: “Hi, I don’t think we’ve met yet, I’m (your name), my child’s also in (teacher’s name) class. How’s your family liking the start of the year?”
Your final takeaway:
Mean girl mom tactics thrive on two things: your discomfort and your desire to prove yourself. You take away their power when you recognize the game and refuse to play it while still holding your head high.
Have a specific situation you’re navigating or have a question, ask away in the forum, where I answer all questions with tailored support and others can chime in with support, feedback, or tips.
Xo,
Dr. C