How to respond when someone tries to make you look bad in front of other people
Tip: Set a boundary, take back control of the interaction, & de-escalate the situation.
Say: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Want to try saying it nicer this time?
This response works because it gently highlights their poor delivery without escalating the situation, keeping you in control. It also calmly forcers the person to rethink what they just said while you maintain composure. You’re able to take back control without creating further conflict, encouraging them to adjust what they said and soften their approach.
Tip: Involve others to shift the attention & highlight what they just did.
Say: (look to the next person over) & say: I’m curious, did you hear the same thing I just did?
This works perfectly because it invites others to validate the awkwardness of the comment without sounding defensive. It’s subtle, confident, and leaves room for others to step in.
Tip: Set a clear boundary and de-escalate public conflict.
Say: Public digs aren’t my style. Let’s talk privately if something is bothering you.
This helps you set a clear and respectful boundary about what behavior is acceptable to you. It communicates self-respect while establishing limits. It also subtly highlights that public criticism isn’t productive without escalating the situation. And people who are assertive are less likely to be targets of continued criticism.
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