4 Things Mean Girl Moms Did on Halloween That Made You dread School drop off on Monday
And how to take back your power before drop-off. Let’s be honest: Halloween can bring out the best in people and the meanest. Maybe you found out about a party you weren’t invited to. Maybe they shared every photo except the one you were in. Maybe they avoided eye contact at the school event or gave that cold smile that said “Why is she even here?” And now, Monday’s coming. Your child doesn’t want to go to school. And if you’re being honest, neither do you. That pit in your stomach? It’s not overreacting. It’s your nervous system remembering exclusion. Here’s how to walk into the week grounded, calm, and confident for both you and your child.
1. When you find out about the party you weren’t invited to
“You found out on social media that they all went trick-or-treating together and now your child’s asking, ‘Why weren’t we invited?’”
This triggers social pain, the same brain response as physical pain. You’re not just managing your own hurt, but also your child’s confusion and embarrassment.
What to say to your child:
“How did that make you feel? Sometimes people leave others out and it hurts. But it also helps us notice who our real friends are, and where not to spend our energy. It has nothing to do with who we are. We can use that to find better friends, friends who make you feel wanted, not something you have to chase. So let’s use this as information: who’s one kind friend we can text today to plan something fun this week?”
What to say to yourself:
“I don’t need to chase people who need to feel superior. Their behavior reflects on them and that’s their work, not mine.”
Action step:
Make a small, proactive plan. Reach out to one kind mom or friend for coffee or a playdate this week. It shifts you from excluded to empowered.
If you want to bring it up (and make it known you noticed):
Sometimes it’s not about confrontation, it’s about repair, or letting them know you saw it. You’re not calling them out to create drama; you’re calmly removing their power to pretend it didn’t happen.
If they’re more of an acquaintance:
“Hey, I saw the photos from Halloween, looked like fun! I wasn’t sure if it was an open invite or just a smaller thing?”
This works because it’s neutral but clear. You’re signaling: I saw it. I’m not pretending I didn’t.
If they’re someone closer:
“I wanted to ask, I saw the group went trick-or-treating together. I just wanted to check if something changed or if we missed the message?”
This holds them accountable without hostility. You’re giving them the chance to explain or reveal their intentions.
Excluders count on your silence to protect their comfort. When you address it without anger, you remove their power and regain your peace.
2. When they post the photos, without you
“They shared photos of everyone in costume but never asked you or your child to be in one or never posted the one you were in.”
This activates social comparison and invisibility anxiety, that feeling of being erased while everyone else is celebrated.
What to remind yourself (and your child):
“Not being in the picture doesn’t mean you didn’t belong but it does mean someone wanted it to look that way. That’s about control, not connection.”
Action step:
Practice reframing the moment:
“I showed up. I was kind. I had fun with my kid. That matters more than being tagged.”
Script if your child brings it up:
“I saw that too. Sometimes people only post certain friends, and that can hurt. But pictures don’t tell the whole story, real connection happens in real life.”
If seeing it keeps bothering you:
Mute them to protect your peace. You don’t have to keep looking at something that makes you feel small. Muting isn’t petty, it’s emotional hygiene. Muting gives your nervous system a break from the visual reminders of exclusion. It’s not avoidance, it’s boundary-setting. When your mind stops getting triggered by the same social cue, it can start focusing again on connection that feels real
Try your own power move: Post your own fun moment from Halloween weekend, not as revenge, but as reclaiming your story.
If you want to bring it up, try:
“Hey, I saw the pics from last night! I didn’t see ours.”
If they then reply with, “oh I didn’t like that picture.”
Say: “I thought it was so cute!”
When you stay warm and composed the contrast exposes their motive. They expected you to shrink, apologize, or agree, instead, you stay grounded. That makes them self-conscious, not you.
3. When they ignored you at the event
“At the school event or neighborhood gathering, they avoided eye contact and pretended not to see you and now drop-off feels awkward.”
That’s nonverbal exclusion, and it creates social uncertainty, the awkward “Do I say hi or ignore them?” spiral.
What to do:
Decide ahead of time how you want to show up. That’s your power.
Options:
Calm confidence: small nod if you make eye contact and walk in like you have somewhere to be (because you do).
Neutral boundary: If they look away, you don’t chase connection. You focus on the people who make eye contact back.
What to tell yourself:
“Awkward doesn’t mean unsafe. I can handle awkward.”
Action step:
Practice your body language in the mirror, soft smile, shoulders back, deep breath. Calm confidence disarms power plays.
4. When they give that cold smile
“They looked right at you, cold smile, frozen face and suddenly you get why your kid doesn’t want to go to school Monday. You kind of don’t either.”
That’s relational aggression through nonverbal cues, subtle hostility that communicates, “You don’t belong here.” It’s effective because it makes you doubt yourself.
What to do instead of spiraling:
Label it for what it is:
“That was a power move not a reflection of my worth.”
Then re-anchor your belonging:
“I have every right to be here. Show up with calm confidence and be respectful, not games.”
If your child felt it too:
“Yeah, sometimes people smile but don’t act very friendly. That’s confusing, right? That’s called mixed signals. It can feel strange, but it’s not your job to fix it. You also don’t have to match their energy, just be polite, smile if you want, nod, or keep walking. You don’t need to force it. You get to decide how much attention you give it.”
If it happens again:
When you see them next time & get that same cold smile or the “why are you here?” face, you can name it calmly in the moment. Try this:
“You okay?”
If they reply, “Yeah, why?”
Say: “Your face looked surprised.”
Action step:
Plan one forward-focused moment for Monday morning, a quick breakfast ritual, or music in the car.
Rituals reduce anxiety and reset attention on connection instead of exclusion.
Your final takeaway:
When you’re left out, ignored, or dismissed, your brain interprets it as danger because belonging is safety.
The goal isn’t to prove your worth to them; it’s to show your nervous system that you’re safe, grounded, and already enough.
If you remember one thing:
You can’t control who includes you but you can control how you show up.
Warm. Grounded. Unbothered. That’s your power.. That’s modeling strength for your child. And that’s how you both walk into Monday without shrinking.
Have a specific question? Head to The Lounge and ask away, you stay anonymous and I'll get back to you before school starts Monday.
xo,
Dr. C