How to Keep the Spark Alive in Your Relationship (Even When Life Gets Busy)
Let’s be honest keeping the spark alive isn’t about grand romantic gestures every day. It’s about consistently choosing connection in small, meaningful ways. Whether you’ve been together for 6 months or 16 years, the spark fades when effort does. Here are 3 ways to reignite connection, plus scripts and real-life examples to help you actually do them.
1. Be Spontaneous and Try Something New Together (Even Once a Week)
Novelty activates dopamine, your brain’s “feel good” chemical. New experiences light up the same brain systems associated with early romantic love. This looks like:
Picking a new coffee shop and pretending it’s your first date.
Booking a last-minute concert or comedy night.
Swap dinner for a sunset walk with takeout.
Try saying:
“Let’s try things different this week, let’s do something spontaneous this week. I’ll pick the activity this week and next week, you can lead.”
Tip: The activity doesn’t need to be extravagant, it just needs to feel different from your usual routine.
2. Do Small Things That Show You Care
Emotional connection is built through micro-moments, it’s not about big acts, it’s about consistent signals that say: I see you, you matter, and I choose you. This looks like:
Making their coffee the way they like it.
Sending a voice note during the day just to say, “I appreciate you.”
Pausing your scroll to look them in the eyes when they’re talking.
Try saying:
“I put my phone down because I want to really hear how your day was.”
Or:
“I noticed how hard you’ve been working lately. I’m proud of you.”
Don’t underestimate the power of undivided attention. Just putting your phone down during dinner or getting up to say hello when they get home from work, communicates volumes.
3. Dress Up for Each Other, Yes, Even at Home
Attraction thrives on intention. When you make an effort to look good for your partner, it says, you still matter to me. I still want you to see me at my best.
This looks like:
Changing out of sweats before a dinner together.
Spritzing on their favorite scent before bed.
Texting: “Wait until you see what I’m wearing tonight…”
Try saying:
“I threw on something nicer because I wanted to feel good for our night together.”
Or:
“I know we’re just staying in, but I dressed up for you.”
This isn’t about perfection, it’s about intention, and a little effort rekindles desire because it shows you care.
Bonus: Schedule a No-Phone Check-In Night
One night a week, go analog: no phones, no distractions, just the two of you. And use these connection prompts:
“What’s something you’ve wanted to share but haven’t found the right time?”
“What’s one thing I’ve done lately that made you feel loved?”
“How can we make the next month feel more connected?”
You’re final takeaway:
Keeping the spark alive doesn’t require perfect timing or a romantic vacation. It starts with tiny intentional shifts that say, “I choose you, even in the chaos.” Have a specific question? Head to the forum and ask away, I’ll reply with a tailored response.
Xo,
Dr. C