How to handle Mean Girl Moms during the Summer
Summer should feel easy but when you’re navigating mom group dynamics, it can feel like middle school with nicer handbags. From ignored group chats to backhanded small talk, many moms experience subtle exclusion and power plays that are hard to name but impossible to ignore. Here’s how to recognize it and respond with confidence, not overthinking.
1. You Ask in the Group Chat if Anyone Wants to Have a Playdate And No One Replies
It’s not just silence, it’s relational aggression by omission. You made an effort and the crickets you got in return were louder than words. Ignoring someone publicly is a subtle way to control the dynamic without direct confrontation and is an invisible form of rejection that gives them deniability, but still lands emotionally. Ignoring also means they can still appear “nice” because they didn’t say anything rude and by not replying they’re also showing each other (and you) who matters and who doesn’t. But sometimes, they could have been busy and here’s how you can tell the difference:
They reply to others messages but always skip your messages.
Sometimes no one replies because no one knows the answer but if you’re saying “anyone want to meet up tomorrow?” And no one ever acknowledges it, that’s likely intentional exclusion.
You get warmth in person but silence online. That could be a tactic to maintain their image.
Here’s what to do:
Don’t double text or re-ask and take the silence as a response, it’s information.
Mute the chat if it’s no longer useful or makes you feel anxious.
Do your own thing. Invite one or two families you do feel safe with and build from there.
Here’s a reframe to tell yourself:
“I don’t need to keep trying where there’s no space being made for me.”
“The right people won’t make me question if I belong.”
2. They Share Camp Photos in the Group Chat Like It’s a Sweet Update But Never Mentioned They Signed Up Together
This feels like a gut punch because it’s exclusion disguised as nostalgia. It’s meant to look friendly but is actually a power move that reminds you that you weren’t in the group text that mattered.
Here’s what to do:
Acknowledge the sting, then set boundaries with how much you consume. You can mute notifications or even leave the chat if it’s optional.
If you must stay in the group, consider limiting your engagement to only what serves you.
Focus your energy on spaces that feel mutual and energizing.
Here’s a reframe to tell yourself:
“I don’t need to be in every room to have value.”
“Being excluded says more about the group than it does about me.”
3. They Say ‘Let’s Do a Playdate Soon!’ When You Run Into Them But the Invite Never Comes
This was a fake playdate offer, a polite brush-off disguised as friendliness. It’s not an invitation, it’s really a script to avoid awkwardness in public while keeping you out of their real plans.
Here’s what to say:
Put it back on them with confidence:
“Sure! Did you want to plan it, or should I?”If they stumble or change the subject, take the hint. It protects your time and emotional energy.
Don’t over-personalize it, you’re dodging performative friendships.
Here’s a reframe to tell yourself:
“If someone isn’t following through, I don’t need to keep showing up in hope.”
4. They Ask Questions That Sound Like Small Talk But Are Actually Status Checks
“Are you just staying local this year?”
“Are you still in town?”
“It’s just too hot here, I don’t know how people stay all summer…”
These all sound harmless, but they’re really status-checking disguised as curiosity. The goal isn’t connection, it’s comparison.
Here’s what to say:
Stay calm and assertive without overexplaining.
Use assertive responses that protect your dignity while sidestepping their game:
Here are some to try:
“Yeah, and we’re doing a little bit of everything, it’s been so nice”
“Yes, you?”
“I kind of love it, and I mean, it’s summer. Where isn’t it hot right now?”
These flip the script without sounding defensive or trying to prove yourself.
& Here’s a reframe to tell yourself:
“My life doesn’t need to match theirs to have value.”
“I’m not here to compete, I’m here to connect. And if they’re not, that’s not my fault.”
Your final takeaway:
Mean girl dynamics don’t take a break just because school’s out. But you don’t have to absorb the sting in silence. Instead, notice the pattern, protect your energy, and respond in ways that align with your values, not their games. You deserve connection that doesn’t make you question your worth.
Have a specific question or don’t know how to navigate something? Head to the forum and ask away, I’ll reply with tailored support.
Xo,
Dr. C