Your Must Use Friendship Gut Check Tool

You know that feeling after a new hangout, replaying what you said, wondering if they liked you, or if you should text first again? Before you spiral, pause. The goal isn't to overanalyze, it's to notice patterns. That's where the Red light, Yellow light, Green light check in comes in.

It's the friendship version of a gut check, a quick reflection you can use after every coffee date, text exchange, or group hang to see who's worth leaning into (and who's slowly draining you).

Red Light = You leave drained

You walk alway feeling smaller, dismissed, or uneasy. Maybe they dominated the conversation, trauma dumped, or redirected everything back to themselves. You might even catch yourself performing, trying harder to keep it flowing. 

What to do: 

Don't chase the red lights. Shift them to acquaintance status without guilt. You can still be kind and cordial, you're just no longer investing energy into something that leaves you empty. 

To politely exit when you're ready to head out:

"I've got to run but it was nice catching up." or "Thanks for getting together, I have to start heading out." 

Small exits with no overexplaining protect your peace and your energy. 

Yellow Light = You're unsure or it's neutral

Some moments feel good, others feel off. They might be inconsistent, warm one week, distant the next, or theyr'e just neutral. You're unsure if it's a new friend awkward phase or an imbalance forming. 

Try saying: "I always enjoy hanging out, want to put something on the book soon?" 

Then stop there and let their effort tell you the rest. If they lean in great, they're moving towards green. If they stay vague or silent, it's a quiet answer that this friendship may not have depth. 

Green Light = You leave light, energized, supported

You feel seen, not compared. The conversation flowed both ways. They asked about you and remembered what you said. 

What to do: Lean in but stay mutual. Give them space to take initiative next. 

Try saying: "This was so fun, next time, why don't you pick and plan what we do?" 

Green lights are your signal to invest, not overfunction. The best friendships build naturally when effort feels easy on both sides. 

Homework after every hangout with a new friend:

Jot down a few notes, including 

• Name

• How did I feel (drained, neutral, energized)

• Who initiated last time? 

Patterns will emerge and that's your roadmap and proof that you're not too sensitive, you're just finally noticing what fits. 

Your Takeaway:

The best part about this check-in isn't just knowing who's a green flag, it's learning to trust yourself again. Because real connection doesn't require overthinking, just awareness. Your energy is data, pay attention to it.

Have a specific question? Head to The Lounge and ask away, others can chime in & I’ll get back to you with personalized tips & scripts.

xo,

Dr. C